The Green Stuff
In SA, the onion, tomato and jalapeños are bought at the HEBs sometime in the last week or so and “fried” in a pan coated with yesterday’s chorizo grease.
In ATX, the locally grown produce is hand-selected by proper Pabst drinking hipsters and delivered via Uber to a trained chef (who also has a band). These staples are then sautéed to perfection in a retro skillet purchased from a vintage shop using only olive oil to achieve a light sear.
In SA, your Tia’s corn tortillas are chopped into strips and thrown into the greasy ass pan until they’re done.
In ATX, corn is revered due to the fact that it is gluten free. The masa is sourced from conflict-free areas of Mexico and made into tortillas with crowd-sourced labor. The masa is flattened and cut into artistic bands and gently fried in fresh skillet/oil bath until completion. The golden brown strips are then allowed to rest on an open air bed of recycled paper to allow excess oils to drain off.
In SA, the eggs are bought at the HEBs with the veggies. They are cracked into the well greased skillet one handed while doing three other things. A little shell in the eggs never killed anyone. The eggs are cooked until they’re done. And in case you haven’t noticed by now, the abundance of grease is an actual ingredient.
In ATX, the eggs are locally harvested from the bedding of a free-range, non-GMO fed hen named Mindy at a local organic farm. They are gently cracked into a stainless steel bowl and whipped carefully by a chef/musician with a waxed handlebar mustache. The eggs are cooked in a clean non-stick skillet on medium heat so as not to disrupt any essential proteins.
In SA, the amount of lard in the tortilla’s dough is measured by Rudy’s BBQ cups. The dough balls are rolled or mashed into something that resembles a circle and baked on the nearest open flame.
In ATX, the tortillas are procured from SA and the temperature is responsibly raised to optimal warmth over burners on a high-end gas cooktop.
In SA, all the stuff from the skillet is dumped on the bread thick slightly burnt tortilla . Its wrapped in enough foil to make a NASA satellite, yet still not enough to keep the grease from running out the sides and on to your shirt.
In ATX, all the ingredients are gently married together, wrapped like a scarf in 28% recycled paper and placed on/in a uniquely vintage basket or plate.
In SA, you will have just paid $1.29 for a mind blowing taco that can magically do one or more of the following: 1. Cure your Budweiser hangover, 2. Instigate a battle royale between your stomach and colon, 3. Make you go back to the counter and buy two more with a Big Red.
In ATX, you will have just paid $3.49 for a mind blowing taco that can magically do one or more of the following: 1. Cure your craft beer hangover, 2. Force you to take your iPhone out of your messenger bag so that you can instagram your taco, 3. Make you willing to wait in line for 30 minutes for this taco once the secret is out about this place, 4. Start to think ATX must be the capital of Breakfast Tacos.